The day the squirrel went berserk causing extended power outage


I had a column already written for this week, but I saw some really funny things on Facebook during a power outage that I wanted to talk about instead.

An extended power outage resulted in some hilarious posts, and then a friend of mine posted a screenshot of a news story from another country where the reporter used the word “hooliganism” and I thought, I need to find a way to use that word.

So, here it is:

Severe storms late Saturday night and early Sunday morning caused power outages across Frederick. Most of those outages were resolved by daylight. Then at about 9:30 a.m. Sunday, a squirrel decided to fry itself, resulting in an extended outage for most of the City.

There have been no reports of the squirrel causing mass revival in any of the churches in town, though a few did post they would still have services even without power, because there is power in the Lord.

The extended outage caused calls for hooliganism across town. With power still out at 4 p.m., one hooligan tried to instigate a drive-by-honking at the power plant.

He posted, “Sunday cruise everyone? We can drive by the power station and honk our horns…”

At a little before 5 p.m., he tried to instigate a water balloon fight on the courthouse lawn in protest of the extended outage. The hooligan said this was because the city employees provided no updates as to when the problem would be fixed.

Another hooligan stated he was going to drive around until he found the City Manager at which time he would conduct a shake down and interrogation. This was also due to the City Manager allegedly failing to notify the citizens with continuous updates.

The City Manager did provide one update, although many residents misunderstood the update. The City Manager posted a comment on Facebook at around noon stating the part needed to fix the problem would arrive to town at about 3 p.m. Residents took that to mean the problem would be resolved at 3 p.m., which was not the case.

When the power turned back on a little after 6 p.m., one of the previous hooligans posted, “I’d first like to thank God. My parents, for not raising me in a barn. Thomas Edison. Whoever invented Air conditioning. Al Gore for inventing the internet. Not [name redacted] for giving us an update 6 hours ago and getting our hopes up the problem would be fixed at 3pm (sic). Last but not least, the city workers working out in this heat that had it rougher than we did. You all are the real MVPs!”

*Disclaimer - the above “news story” is satire.


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